then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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