I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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