fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize