dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
