Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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