I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
