First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
