your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
