so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize