this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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