i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
