some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
