the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
