if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
