P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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