Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
