True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
