She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
