she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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