I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
