We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
