just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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