Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
