I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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