Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I will pee on everything he values.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
