i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
