I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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