Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
