go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
