she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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