So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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