she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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