It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
