woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
