I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
