I just pynch a tree in the face
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
