I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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