It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
