Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize