What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize