Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
