Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
