just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
