Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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