The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
