I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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