It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
