Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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