I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize