I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
