Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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