If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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