Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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