just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
