Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
