well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
