I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
