I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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