he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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