well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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