the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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