Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
