Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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