Can i not drive my cunt home
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
