How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
