My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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