Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
