Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
