i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
