i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
