have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
