I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
