it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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