You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
