It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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