i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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