Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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