Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
