I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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