she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
