But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
