Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
