Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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