Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
