So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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