That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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