I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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