I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
