He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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