Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I want to be your penis for a week.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
