yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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