it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
