Jerry, you need to find god
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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