now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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