My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
