i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
