She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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